just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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