There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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