Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
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I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
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Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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