question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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