it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
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He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
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you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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