Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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