Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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