Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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