Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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