I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
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Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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