It's like God shit irony all over that family
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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