Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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