She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
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somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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