it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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