so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
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I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
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Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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