i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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