I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My vagina is very pro this idea
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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