Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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