buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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