Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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