Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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