I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
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It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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