I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
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