Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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