My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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