never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
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the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
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It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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