from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize