I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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