Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize