cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize