So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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