i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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