So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
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i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
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Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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