"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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