when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
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I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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