dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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