Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize