when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize