the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
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Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
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her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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