when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize