when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
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Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
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It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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