wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
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We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
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is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
A+ Viking dick
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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