you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
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i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
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what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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