I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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