high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
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Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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