My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
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First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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