Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This baby is an asshole
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize