i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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