My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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