ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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